On criminal behaviour.

I got my first speeding ticket this week. I've emphasised the 'first' when I've mentioned it to people, to save face, and to make it sound a bit more self-congratulatory ("I've lasted twenty years without one.") rather than the admission of guilt which it is. I also like to mention the fact that there is a road near my workplace where the speed limit goes from 30mph to 60, and there was a police mobile camera set up in a layby just before the 60 sign. I do genuinely wonder how many people were caught that day, pressing our feet to the accelerator too soon as we saw the derestriction sign and open fields beckoning and opening before us. 

One of my mum's former teaching colleagues said she could always get her pupils to admit to the misdemeanours they were vehemently denying by asking them, "Did you just do it a little bit?" to which they would then happily confess. We like to minimise our wrongdoings; we're ok with being a little bit bad, just not that bad. 

Being caught doing something wrong - and in my case, something criminal - really does shatter the pretence of being a nice person though. We like to imagine we are good, law-abiding citizens, to tut at those who flirt with the rules, until we are faced with the fact that we also fall short.

The teenagers I've worked with like to minimise their behaviour with all sorts of creative mitigating excuses. One girl claims, "I've got my period, Miss!" almost daily whenever she is late to lesson/not focusing/grumpy, to the extent that her mum offered to share the details of her cycle so I know when she's making it up (I declined). A recent favourite was when I told a boy off for swearing, and he protested, "But I'm Year 9!" as if the accomplishment of reaching the ripe old age of nearly 14 were license to say what he likes. But the most popular old favourite definitely is variations on the theme of, "Everyone else does it." 

Back at my first teaching job, I worked with the Three Great Carols, and learnt so much from them. One pearl of wisdom which I picked up and used a lot is the speeding ticket analogy. So when a student protests that they shouldn't be in trouble for X because they weren't the only one doing it, I tell them in my best Carol-impression, "If you get caught speeding in your car, you can't just tell the police that other people were speeding too and then think you'll get away with it - you have to own your behaviour." And here I am with the analogy flipping back on myself - having to own the fact that I shouldn't have been driving too fast, and not deflecting blame by pointing out how many other people were likely doing it too. I put my desire to get to my destination in my time frame above my respect for the law of the land and the safety of other road-users, and that is a selfish and ugly thing, and to my dear friend who lost her first husband to a speeding driver, I owe you an apology. 

More on the three Carols here: https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-changing-labels and more on why I'm always dashing to work here: https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-running (although it's a little out-of-date, it seems I continue to organise my work life in a way which is optimal to everyone but me).

There's a Christian video called "The Good Test" where an interviewer asks passersby things like, "Have you ever told a lie? Well, what does that make you? Have you ever stolen anything? So what does that mean you are then?" It's kind of a clumsy blunt instrument but basically starts a bigger conversation by making the point that we all fall short, we are all liars and thieves, though we'd never call ourselves that voluntarily. Paul writes to the church in Rome "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and David writes in his song Psalm 14 "All have turned away, all have become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one."

It's a bitter pill to swallow, the fact that we've fallen short of the law and/or God's standard. Comparing ourselves to others ("Plenty of people speed just there!") is much more appealing, in minimising and mitigating guilt. But guilty we are. 

But​

Maybe when I've stopped being mortified and defensive, I'll thank God and the police for the wake-up call of the speeding ticket. It's making me take more care on the road. But mostly I'll be grateful for God ​for the gracious offer of spiritual payment for all my 'fines' for all my wrongdoings. Because I reckon I've done a lot more and worse than speeding.