Tonight was pretty exciting for me - I got interviewed for an event at church. I was more anxious than you might expect for an extrovert who is never short of something to say.
The pastor emailed me whilst we were away on holiday over the summer to ask about featuring me in some 'Real Lives' thing, and I was like, "Yeah, whatever." Then I got back home and actually read the email properly and I thought, "Goodness - what have I signed up for?"
I am a people pleaser so I like to say yes. I don't think this always applies at home (the boys hear a whole lot of 'No!') but at work and things, definitely.
But I've recently had to say 'no' to some things, which is kind of embarrassing (as in, I am not capable of doing more) but also I'm slightly proud of myself. Maybe it's because I'm approaching 40.
My 30s have been all about child-rearing so my 30s were the decade of learning to say 'yes'. As in, when friends starting saying, "Can I bring you dinner?" and "Do you need help?" I had to swallow my pride and say, "Yes, please." I've written before about joining Grace church just before having our first child, and instantly becoming receivers, and how I had to quickly learn what grace really means. https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-why-it-feels-so-particular-with-me In case you're wondering, in this context, it means free and unmerited favour. In a culture in which our interactions are typically transactional or reciprocal ("You hosted last time so you really must come to us this time."), grace can be an uncomfortable lesson to learn. I remember one time I was unwell and at an out-of-hours clinic, and some friends asked if they could watch the children so Mike could come to fetch me, and could they also make us dinner, and inside I was shouting, "That's too much! They're busy too - they can't do that." But then I said "That would be kind." and I got home and there was home made lasagna. It was a turning point in my thinking, "Yeah, I'm just going to start saying 'yes' to people more for all our sakes."
Grace is good. You just have to get through the discomfort of seeing your own weaknesses to get there.
That's pretty much the deal with Jesus too, of course. We have to admit our need in order to receive his grace.
Anyway, at work, I've had a few ups and downs with a temporary promotion https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-being-in-the-room-where-it-happens and now a new role focusing on reading (definitely my cup of tea - lucky me!) And (naturally?) I want everyone to think I am working hard and doing a good job. Hence the temptation to say 'yes' to requests. Want someone to sit a mock exam with the students so we can use the paper as exemplar material? Me, me, me - I'll do that. (I then had to pull out because of a meeting getting rescheduled to clash with it.) But maybe sometimes 'no' is acceptable too. Particularly if you're getting to the point of nearly passing out at work, perhaps. https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-fainting
I'm still processing the thing about knowing I'm working with God as my ultimate boss.
https://sarahhadfi.wixsite.com/website/post/on-being-good-enough He knows exactly what I'm like but still cares about me anyway, so I don't need to say 'yes' to everything at work to impress Him.
On the mummy blogs it talks about being a 'yes mum' or a 'no mum'. I've got a friend who is definitely a 'yes mum' and her house is full of unfortunate science experiments, like exploded ink cartridges and a tadpole stuck in a U-bend. Looks fun, though. I'm not quite sure where I am on that continuum, but I suspect as the boys get older there will be a lot more things we need to say 'no' to together. So perhaps the next decade will be about the 'nos'.
To what things are you learning to say 'yes' and 'no'?
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